Tag: mindset

Echo XXV

I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do.
– Edward Everett Hale

I started a new job, moved across the country, and left most everything I know to start fresh. Been on hiatus for a while, time to recollect. Let’s try again.

While digging through a stash of old corporate wellness materials, I stumbled upon a book written by Nancy Jane Smith called, “The Happier Approach.” It honestly reminds me of one of those free books you’d get at church during the Easter season, or from a self-help seminar, or in one of those little lending library kiosks you see in small towns. The cover art is very basic, and said cover art looks like it was printed in 480p. Yet, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed working my way through it (insert lesson on not judging a book by it’s cover).

One idea that Nancy works through has stuck with me – the idea that accomplishing a goal will provide a sensation of calm and quiet, that we should be overwhelmed with relief that we accomplished something. Yet, rarely is this the case. That focus moves from the task at hand, flies past the joys of completing it, and transfers into the anxiety and stress of what is next.

Her justification for this is that we are validating internal needs with external stimuli. Meaning, the internal feeling of anxiety or stress or fatigue or exhaustion isn’t magically fixed by an external factor. Its the same idea behind “I need a drink!” after a stressful day. It’s a band-aid in lieu of stitches.

We are on this constant quest for perfection. 10 things on the to-do list? If we do 9 but miss the 10th, we feel more guilt about missing it than pride in accomplishing the other 90%. We fear the ridicule from our brain for missing the one shot more than we long for the joy of bullseye’ing the others. The quest for protection protects us from the fear of failure, but it also blinds us of the little victories.

What if we don’t realize the life’s first 9 until we miss the 10th? Think of all the little victories you’ve let slide by because you missed that last task. Entire house is clean but the dishes are still soaking – failure. All of the bills, but you forgot the light bulbs you needed on your shopping trip – fail. The kiddos had perfect attendance at soccer this week, but you were 15 minutes late to that birthday party – fail.

Don’t let the idea of constantly moving the finish line further and further away cloud your view of the miles you’ve already run. Take a step back and see how far you’ve come. See the successes in simply living, breathing, being.

Echo XXII

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
– Maya Angelou

Our experiences shape us.

The things we encounter, learn, overcome, are the things that define us as individuals. These stepping stones are what help give us our skills, our talents, possibly even our families and careers. We experience love and it leads to a family, we experience knowledge and it leads to a career. Yet, in the most raw meaning of the word, we truly form to our experiences.

The things we fear are most often due to experience. Whether it be our own, our peers, or a stranger’s on television, we feel fear through others experiencing misfortune or anguish. We develop our own reservations in regards to specific things. We may fear the embarrassment of failure, or simply failure itself. We need to learn to turn this fear into fuel, to realize that failure is simply a hurdle on the path to success. Without failure, we never truly know how impacting a win can be.

In a more literal sense of Maya’s words, we mustn’t let ignorance outline our actions. Far too often do we hear of one’s ignorance, the lack of knowledge on a subject, yet far less often do we hear their plans to change it. Rome wasn’t built in a day, it took generations to learn how and why the civilization was one of the most powerful in the world. The experiences of those before led to stronger armies, stronger walls, and a stronger reputation.

We must use the mistakes and downfalls of those before us to improve out reality. Never before have humans had such access to the successes and failures of those before us – libraries, wikipedia, the internet as a whole. We can learn how to build a birdhouse in minutes from a YouTube video, or how to make a proper beef wellingtown through the lense of Tasty. Yet we so often fail to force ourselves to do better with what we’ve been given, what we’ve experienced.

We must remember to take our stumbles and turn them into forward momentum.

Echo XX

“When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better, too.”
– Paulo Coelho

With this being the holiday season, the season of giving, we start to see an influx of people allocating time to volunteering, donating goods or funds to charities, or simply being friendlier to a stranger for the sake of “good will.” When we do these things, we only partially do them for the good it does the entity whom we are providing to – we do it because it gives us just as much benefit. We find self-worth in helping those less fortunate, or a smile from throwing a few bucks in the Salvation Army bucket outside Walmart.

While this may be a seasonal thing for some, it is a lifelong desire for all. Every single one of us aspires to be better. Your aspirations could be as basic as drinking less pop or eating less fast food, all the way to finding a new career to alleviate personal or financial stress. We all long for this sense of betterment, and with it comes an overwhelming “sprinkler” effect on the people and environment around us.

This shared improvement could be something like being able to more easily provide for your family, buy more gifts for your kids, or simply keep the lights on. Or, you could improve the workload and efficiency of other employees by joining their time and bring personal experience and talent to an otherwise droning workplace. The light you bring with you to any situation could be the light that brightens the tunnel, leads others to the clean, crisp air.

As we head into the New Year, keep these things in mind. Your goals of losing 20 pounds could have a snowball effect that provides you an easier daily workload or a few extra years of life to play with your grandkids. Waking up an hour earlier to knock out some of your group’s work or assignments could be the inspiration needed for others within the group to pick up their own pace. Your choice to quit eating fast food could lead to a healthier, and happier, life for your children or spouse.

A tree doesn’t simply go upwards as a single stalk – it grows branches, leaves, provides a safe place for birds and animals, and shade to those underneath it. Consider your birds and animals when contemplating change.

Echo XVIII

“You might have to make some tactical retreats in your order to win the long war, but never quit on your strategic vision. Never quit on getting to the ultimate place where you want to go.”
– Jocko Willink

Your ego can be your best friend or your worst enemy. Your ego is what gives you the confidence to finally talk to that girl in your math class, but it can also be the thing that gets you fired from your job. Your ego is the power behind feeling good about yourself in selfies, but also the demon that can get you into a fight. We’ve seen ego ruin the careers of athletes, celebrities, public figures. Yet, it is such a necessary tool to allow ourselves to know our worth.

You have to be able to dictate your ego to know when it needs to come out to play, or when it should take a backseat. Pushing your ego to the side is a big force behind admitting a defeat, and even more-so in using that defeat to grow and learn for future attempts. No one ever wants to admit defeat, yet when we do we ultimately end up finding strength and desire through it. Some of the tastiest wins are those that began with salt in the wound of defeat.

You can’t let these defeats dictate your future success.

We can’t see obstacles and adversity as stop signs, but rather as speed-bumps. When we face a problem, we must work to solve it. This solution may take trial and error, you may fall flat on your face in pursuit of a win, but that pursuit must continue. Your ego shouldn’t become over-inflated, but you have to keep it full of enough air to stay afloat. You have to be able to use your ego to your advantage. It is a massively powerful tool, a tool that can easily build you up, but just as easily break you down.

Echo XVII

“If your effort is low, you’re probably not thinking about the opportunity – you’re thinking about the obligation.”
– Eric Thomas

Let me preface this by saying that Eric Thomas is the man responsible for the “when you want to succeed as much as you want to breathe” speech, so if he says it – its worth discussing.

So many times in life we are presented with opportunities, but we are equally presented obligations. To me, opportunities present an avenue for personal growth, positive change, etc., where as obligations are the things we have to do to simply exist. We often relate these things to the more droning, less exciting tasks of life (think bills, grocery shopping, tasks at work, etc.).

Yet, what if we had a shift to begin seeing the obligations as opportunities?

Every single one of us would rather put our effort, time, and money into opportunities rather than obligations. It is much more gratifying to buy that new “thing” that makes us feel special, the newest phone, shoes, car, whatever your “thing” may be. We get a lot more likes on social media posting nice things than we do from posting our $0 credit card balance or the receipt for our rent money order, which seems to be one of modern society’s biggest forms of gratification. You see a lot more already successful (or faux successful) people on social media finding fame than the little guy working his way up the ladder.

Yet, what if we began to shift to a differing mindset? “But you’re supposed to do those things! You shouldn’t get credit for what you’re supposed to do!” Why not..? Who said that was a rule? I’m much more impressed by someone who sees paying their debts off in their entirety as an opportunity rather than an obligation, or seeing someone drive an older model car so they can afford their night classes, than someone who flaunts their garage full of cars or closet full of shoes.

The other benefit of seeing things as opportunities rather than obligations is that it creates more opportunities. Paying off a credit card frees up more funds for the things you enjoy. Making sure your electric bill is up to date gives you the internet and power you need to do assignments at home and further your education. Sacrificing to send your kids to a better school presents them with a greater chance of getting into a good school and receiving scholarships and financial aid, presenting more opportunities to not only you, but them when that time comes.

We need to have a tidal shift in our thinking to see the possibly boring things in life as exciting opportunities for growth.

Echo XIV

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you.”
– Lewis B. Smedes

It is a natural human function to feel distaste, anger, nausea towards those who have wronged us. When someone sets out to wrong us, whether it is purposefully or accidentally, emotionally or physically, someone you trust or a stranger – it hurts. We want nothing more than to set the record straight and burn down their house. To use our own words and actions to repay them, or to ruin their self-worth to the same extent they ruined yours. “An eye for an eye,” the law of retaliation.

When this is our course of action we bring to fruition two things.

  1. We entrap ourselves in a locked box with no positive outcomes. We gain nothing by holding a grudge, by feeling disgust, or by living a life seeking revenge. We remain living in the past rather than working to better our future.
  2. They win. If you let the actions of someone else impact you, they win. You imprison yourself in a constant circle of loss because you let their actions and doings dictate your self-being. If you let yourself be dictated by their actions, they win. Whether than set out to win or not, whether you even wanted to compete – they win.

So, why is it so hard to simply forgive? To move on and realize that these small moments don’t define us as people. Why do we feel such a blow when someone we love, someone we trust, or even a stranger, sets forth actions intended to negatively impact you? No one knows, its just a part of human nature. We feel hurt by the actions of others.

Yet, with this hurt comes the option to grow through it. To forgive our wrongdoings and become better through them. Your partner cheated? Forgive them, for you’re better off finding something worth your time. Your best friend pushed the humor line a little to far and your friendship has fallen because of it? Forgive them, I can promise you they feel worse about it than you do. No one ever said they were proud of you for your successes? Forgive them, as it does nothing but stagnate your own growth.

There is a difference in forgiving someone and forgetting their actions. You can forgive someone for the things they’ve done, but never allow yourself to fall into the trap of letting it happen again. Trust can be regained, but you must always look to keep yourself and your well-being first. Life is too short to be surrounded by negative entities. If forgiveness isn’t enough, move on – but try to forgive in the process.

Realize their actions may be due to their own demons. They broadcast their own issues onto you to avoid facing themselves. Develop empathy towards the ill-willed. Try to find a silverlining, as hard as it may be. The ending of a relationship can lead to the beginning of a new one, a door opened by the actions of another.

I ask you to forgive. Not for your religion, not for your friends or family, not for anyone or anything else other than yourself. Set yourself free of the burden of distaste and trauma, open your cell-door and walk free.

Echo XIII

“If we each live properly, we will collectively flourish.”
– Dr. Jordan B. Peterson

Much like the beautiful masterpiece “We Are the World,” one of the highlights of both 80s music and hairstyles, says, we truly are the world. We are a collective unit on this rock, all working towards the same goal – happiness, harmony, and success. This blog will never be politically, religiously, or idealistically based. My religious beliefs, ideals, stances, etc., play no role in the thoughts I put it into these words.

Yet, it remains so true – we are all in this together. No matter your beliefs or outlook, we can’t go at it alone. We all long for family, friends, a sense of self-purpose among others. This isn’t to say we mustn’t excel in our own rights. To love someone else you must first love yourself. Yet, none of us are alone.

Nor should we want to be! The greatest feats of human power and determination were group efforts. We didn’t walk on the moon due to one person’s actions, or trek across the United States led by only one man. Humans are much like ants in that individually we are strong, stubborn creatures, yet we find success and unity through others.

Successful businesses become so through successful people. The idea may be of one – Oprah is successful because she wanted to be and made the necessary steps to reach it, Beizos and Gates the same – but the outcome is of many. While we may find success and happiness through a solo endeavor, a strong team and base of support is invaluable.

I have learned this over the past year. Without my team, I don’t know where I’d be.

Give it a try sometime – let someone in. Collectively we flourish.

Echo XI

“What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.”
– Zig Ziglar

I want to be rich.

I want to own a beautiful house.

I want to drive a Ferrari.

I want to travel the world.

These things are goals, albeit common yet extreme goals. Everyone wants to be successful and have lots of money and lounge around all day while your stocks and bonds pay your bills. Yet, what do we get from it? Are we looking to achieve these goals for the shallow reason of simply being successful? Or are we looking to reach these goals to become a better person, a more helpful person, a better role model for others?

In 2018, Jeff Bezos gave over 2 billion dollars do charity.

Bill and Melinda Gates gave 4.2 billion.

These are two of the most successful humans to ever walk the Earth (if we classify success based on wealth and global impact), yet they found the time to spread their success to others. They became their goals by achieving their goals.

I don’t mean to say that you need to be rich to make change, to grow. If your goal is to lose 20 pounds by Summer, make that goal more specific to include the fact that a lower body-weight will not only make you feel more confident, but allow you an easier time playing with your kids. If your goal is to alleviate credit card debt over the next 2 years, realize that this frees up funds to continue your education, take your family on vacation, or send your kiddo to Summer Camp. Your goal could be as simple as not being late to work again, knowing this not only lessens your risk of unemployment but makes you a better employee.

Don’t strive for success simply for the sake of being successful; strive for success to be a better.